So, in this post, we’re celebrating three things: the Royal Wedding of William and Kate, the impending launch of the Space Shuttle Endeavor (commanded by the husband of Gabrielle Giffords), and Charlie Sheen’s open letter to Chuck Lorre, as presented by the ever classy TMZ.

The sort-of heartbreaking part comes in the middle, where Sheen writes, “I’m out here with my fans every night. The message is crystal clear; NO CHARLIE SHEEN. NO SHOW”

I assume he meant something like, “NO CHARLIE SHEEN[? If not, then, as a consequence,] NO SHOW.”

I suspect that a more accurate reading of the “crystal clear” message from the “fans” might be the one that he actually wrote, which I read as “NO CHARLIE SHEEN. [And also] NO SHOW. [Please!]”

Anyway, in celebration of all of these things, here is Sheen’s letter. As read by the Queen of England. On the moon.