Category Archives: culture

Florida Man Commits Suicide over Election

So, if you want to feel better about all the Texans in your Facebook feed who are threatening secession in the wake of Barack Obama’s reelection, here’s something even stupider. The stupider thing comes from Florida, naturally. Henry Hamilton, a 64-year-old resident of Key West, apparently committed suicide on November 8, after claiming that “if Barack gets re-elected, I’m not going to be around.” Empty prescription bottles for Xanax and Seroquel (for the treatment of schizophrenia) were found in the condo Hamilton shared with his partner, Michael Cossey.

The report in the Miami Herald raises a few questions:

First, the article says that Hamilton was the “owner of Tropical Tan on Duval Street.” Who the hell lives in Key West, Florida, and goes to a tanning salon.

Second, Hamilton wrote “Fuck Obama!” on his will before killing himself. Does anyone know if this entails a legal obligation on his partner to have sex with the president?

Third, why do articles like this one always end with lines like this: “President Obama, a Democrat, defeated Republican challenger Mitt Romney to win a second four-year term”? Why not “A ‘prescription’ is a document created by a medical professional that gives a patient access to a controlled substance, typically for therapeutic or palliative use”?

LiL DEBBiE’s "Michelle Obama" will bring back your election hangover

So, of all the things you can do to celebrate Barack Obama’s reelection, here is unquestionably the worst: watch the video of the song “Michelle Obama” by LiL DEBBiE, best known for being the girl with no rhythm in the Kreayshawn “Gucci Gucci” video.

The song also features the lyrical stylings of RiFF RAFF. No, sadly, that’s not the leader of the Catillac Cats, it’s just another Southern California rapper with questionable capitalization skills and parents (Bill and Melinda RAFF, I assume) who are questioning the wisdom of having named their son “RiFF.”

The one sliver of good news is that the lyric is “Presidential tint,” and not “Presidential tits,” which is how you heard it.

Also, I like to imagine that LiL and RiFF cut an alternative track that would have been released in the event of a Romney victory. I’m thinking instead of “Presidential tint, Michelle Obama / Frozen femurs in the freezer, Jeffrey Dahmer,” the line would have been “Presidential tint, Ann Romney / Egg salad in the deli case, and salami.” What do you think?

Winning! Scientists drink the most coffee

So, Dunkin’ Donuts has completed what is apparently their annual report on coffee consumption in the workplace (I always wondered what Dunkin’ Donuts did). Guess who won . . .

That’s right, scientists win, just like we win at everything!!!!

Marketing / PR Professionals? Losers!

Education administrators? Please!

Human Resources Benefits Coordinators? Wait, that’s its own category?

Check out the infographic from I heart coffee.

Happy Birthday, Tiffany!

So, I’d like you to cast your memory back to the summer of 1987, when America’s Greatest President™ was still eating jelly beans and slipping slowly into dementia. When Bob Saget was still just Danny Tanner, and America’s Funniest Home Videos were fated to a life of obscurity, festering in America’s Closets with America’s Acid-Washed Jeans. When shopping malls were not yet cesspools of crass consumerism, but were rather utopian community gathering places, where a young a young songstress could pursue her dream. Not a dream of fame and fortune, but a simple, noble dream of sharing her gift with the world.

Happy Birthday to Tiffany Renee Darwish, who turns 40 today. Here, for your viewing and listening pleasure, is Tiffany, singing her signature cover of Tommy James and the Shondells’ “I Think We’re Alone Now.”

[Need to own this? Buy it from iTunes! Buy it!]

Also, there’s this

Greek Pastafarian Arrested for Blasphemy

So, a reader conveyed this news item to Boing Boing:

On September 24, Greece’s Cyber Crimes division arrested a 27 year old man on charges of blasphemy, for his website that mocks a well-known Greek monk Elder Paisios, using the name Elder Pastitsios (the even better-known Greek pasta dish).

First of all, if your country still has blasphemy laws, your country is run by assholes.

It’s being widely reported that the arrest was instigated not by the Greek Orthodox church, but by the neo-Nazi group Golden Dawn, who currently hold seats in Parliament.

That pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?

There is also a link to this blog post, which describes (in Greek) a Pastafarian protest of the arrest. A video of the procession is at the bottom of the post. According to Google Translate, the proceedings involved this prayer:

Lord, the devil abolish the death fucked, cautions us from triskataratou Memorandum and any other demon, multiply Pastitsio this circumstance, as the loaves and fish, bless the social struggle and taxikin Again, amen

and this song:

Rich went into liquidation and epeinasan

And the ekzitountes the Lord

All were reduced CDK pasticcio.

As the hungry liberator,

and defender of the poor,

sick doctor,

progastoron advocate Kimadofore,

Besalomartys Pastitsio,

Christ believed in God,

be saved Tash ventricular us.

USA Today thinks blue balls are "cool"

So, Jim Romensko has shared this memo, which was apparently circulated to USA Today employees this morning by Gannett marketing officer Maryam Bankarim’s. It represent’s Sam Ward’s effort to justify explain USA Today’s redesign.

Here are a few of the best lines from the memo:

I have a dream . . . that one day all Americans will join hands and declare their undying love for our balls . . . .

Just what are our balls? Well, they are what we will make of them. I believe our balls are symbols of who we are and where we’re headed. They are not stories, graphics, or illustrations. They are signposts, perhaps; reminders that offer inroads into America’s stream of consciousness. . . .

We should use our balls at the right time and for the right reasons. They should be important, and never feel too planned or overly scripted. We should think of them as we think about sex: sex is great but we don’t want to have it ALL the time. Well . . . maybe that’s the wrong analogy, but you get the point. . . .

There is an aspect of this that defies explanation. I cannot prove that it exists, but I “feel” that it does. Let’s call it a sense of “coolness,” for lack of a better term. I don’t have any statistics on this, but I believe most people consider themselves to be cool; and they would like to feel they are reading a publication that is cool. They may not totally understand why, but they still want to be a part of it. . . .

Yes, I believe things are moving fast now and that our mojo is back . . . and we have the balls to prove it . . . 

 All corporate memos should be like this.

 

Three questions about Jonah Lehrer

So, the saga of Jonah Lehrer has kept trundling on, now with the publication in Slate of this article, where NYU Journalism professor Charles Seife describes what he discovered when he was asked by the editors of Wired to look into Jonah Lehrer’s past blog posts for evidence of “journalistic malfeasance,” including plagiarism, recycling (self plagiarism), “press-release plagiarism,” misrepresentation of quotes, and misrepresentation of facts.

The article is a must read if you have any interest at all in journalism, science, and/or schadenfreude.

For the past few years, Lehrer was the wunderkind of popular science writing. He was Malcolm Gladwell with a better haircut. Then, about a month ago, Michael C. Moynihan published this piece (also a must read, for all the same reasons), where he described his discovery that many of the quotes attributed to Bob Dylan in Lehrer’s most recent book, Imagine, were actually fabricated. More disturbingly, Moynihan described how Lehrer “stonewalled, misled, and, eventually, outright lied” to him when confronted with the fabrications.

The Moynihan piece followed on from some grumblings about Lehrer’s journalism, when it was pointed out that an that he wrote for the New Yorker was largely recycled from something he had previously written for the Wall Street Journal.

As I understand things, recycling is a fairly minor journalistic crime. It is not really misrepresentation, since you are still presenting your own material as your own. It is a bit of a violation of trust of the readers of the New Yorker, but if they had not read the Wall Street Journal piece, maybe there was little harm. And, I suspect that the overlap between New Yorker readers and WSJ readers is fairly small. The two entities that Lehrer actually screwed over were the New Yorker, who presumably thought that they were paying him for new material, and the Wall Street Journal, who presumably had some expectation that they were paying him for exclusive rights to the article.

The recycling prompted people to start looking more closely at Lehrer’s record, though, where they found a much more diverse and serious set of “journalistic malfeasances.” It seems that Lehrer is an egregious cherry picker, sifting through papers to find studies that support his thesis, irrespective of the quality of those studies or the existence of other studies that contradict it. He also apparently has a serious quotation problem, splicing together frankenquotes from different sources, presenting quotes gathered by other people as if he had gathered them himself, and when a convenient quote did not exist (or would require actual effort to discover), simply making quotes up. Furthermore, when specific errors were pointed out to him, he would nevertheless republish those same “errors” again and again. (Again, for the details, read Seife and Moynihan.)

I use quotation marks here because, while an original error might have been an actual error, in the sense of being an honest mistake, once you know it’s wrong, and you keep putting it out there, it becomes something different. A candidate word would be “lie.”

To me, the whole Lehrer fiasco raises three questions:

1. WTF?

I mean, look, this is a whole lot of crazy behavior. It reminds me of those movies, like Big or 13 Going on 30, where a kid suddenly wakes up in the body of an adult and finds themselves in way over their head. Except instead of teaching all of the other adults around them to reconnect with their inner child, they spin totally out of control and devolve into a murderous, narcissistic pathological liar.

Maybe sort of like what you would get if you cast Linday Lohan in a mashup of Freaky Friday and Carrie.

2. Who is to blame?

Sure, the obvious answer here is Jonah Lehrer. Curiously, Charles Seife’s article ends with this conclusion:

Lehrer’s transgressions are inexcusable—but I can’t help but think that the industry he (and I) work for share a some of the blame for his failure. I’m 10 years older than Lehrer, and unlike him, my contemporaries and I had all of our work scrutinized by layers upon layers of editors, top editors, copy editors, fact checkers and even (heaven help us!) subeditors before a single word got published. When we screwed up, there was likely someone to catch it and save us (public) embarrassment. And if someone violated journalistic ethics, it was more likely to be caught early in his career—allowing him the chance either to reform and recover or to slink off to another career without being humiliated on the national stage. No such luck for Lehrer; he rose to the very top in a flash, and despite having his work published by major media companies, he was operating, most of the time, without a safety net. Nobody noticed that something was amiss until it was too late to save him.

My twitter feed was full of responses along these lines of “You don’t need formal training to know that lying is wrong.” Agreed. If the only thing keeping most journalists from acting like Lehrer is the threat of a grumpy, old, cigar-chomping editor telling them to shape up (and then offering them a swig of whiskey from the flask they keep in the bottom drawer of their desk), we’re all in a lot of trouble.

(If you want to see a real psychopathic maestro at work, read this classic piece on Stephen Glass, who fabricated whole stories, and concocted elaborate schemes to fool his editors.)

On the other hand, there is something real here. The current trend in journalism is to cut down on editors and fact-checkers, increasingly relying on the competence and honesty of individual reporters. This might have important implications for how we evaluate journalism in the future. In the past, publications had reputations, but maybe in the future, journalistic reputations will be more personal. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

3: How is it that Jonah Lehrer has not yet been hired as a speechwriter for the Romney campaign?

Seriously, this guy has it all. Cherry-picking facts, making up other facts, bald-faced lying when confronted about it. In fact, I’m a little bit surprised he’s not on the ticket. Sure, Paul Ryan may have those dreamy blue eyes, but Jonah Lehrer’s glasses are so cool, he doesn’t even need eyes!

Spot the differences: Eastwood versus Spinning Hamsters

So, here are two videos that are making the rounds on the internet today. Although at first glance, they may be hard to distinguish, if you look closely, you will find that one is actually a video of two hamsters spinning insanely around an exercise wheel, while the other is Clint Eastwood speaking at the Republican National Convention.

I won’t spoil the game by telling you in advance which is which. See if you can spot the difference yourself!

The President’s IAmA on Reddit

So, you know how Reddit does this question and answer thing, where famous and/or knowledgable people log on and take questions from the Reddit community? Well, much to the delight of the internet, today at 4:30 Eastern, President Obama held one of these.

In case you missed it, here are a few of the highlights from the ensuing conversation.

[–]South_Dakota_Boy 26 points  ago
I’m surprised the username PresidentObama was even available. Or is the man powerful enough to just take it over anyway? I’d hate to see the leader of the free world reduced to taking a username like TheRealPresidentObama or POTUS69 or xx_BarackObama_xx or something.
[–]SharkGirl 1122 points  ago
We know how Republicans feel about protecting Internet Freedom. Is Internet Freedom an issue you’d push to add to the Democratic Party’s 2012 platform?
[–]PresidentObama[S] 508 points  ago
Internet freedom is something I know you all care passionately about; I do too. We will fight hard to make sure that the internet remains the open forum for everybody – from those who are expressing an idea to those to want to start a business. And although there will be occasional disagreements on the details of various legislative proposals, I won’t stray from that principle – and it will be reflected in the platform.
[–]ordinaryrendition 6 points  ago
Sure thing. Do you like cats?

[–]ormirian 1823 points  ago
Are you considering increasing funds to the space program?
Edit: grammar
[–]PresidentObama[S] 685 points  ago
Making sure we stay at the forefront of space exploration is a big priority for my administration. The passing of Neil Armstrong this week is a reminder of the inspiration and wonder that our space program has provided in the past; the curiosity probe on mars is a reminder of what remains to be discovered. The key is to make sure that we invest in cutting edge research that can take us to the next level – so even as we continue work with the international space station, we are focused on a potential mission to a asteroid as a prelude to a manned Mars flight.
[–]s0crates82 158 points  ago
a asteroid
an asteroid, Mr. President.
[–]Whoa_Chill_Bro 161 points  ago
don’t correct the President, neckbeard.
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    Lost in Transcription Exclusive: Mitt Romney’s Comedy Routine

    So, this morning, Mitt Romney came up with an interesting new strategy designed to divert attention from his quite possibly illegal tax history, his party’s extremist abortion position, and general unlikability: he launched a stand up comedy routine. Speaking in Michigan, he cracked this gem straight out of the Birther Bathroom Jokebook:

    No one’s ever asked to see my birth certificate.

    See, it’s hilarious because he’s white! And Obama is black!

    So, what other bon mots can we expect from Romney as he takes his routine to Tampa? Here at Lost in Transcription, we’ve received this advance list of jokes, which were allegedly written by Dane Cook’s racist brother, and will be dropped at the Republican National Convention next week to much hooting and cheering from the hungover and overstimulated delegates. Here are a few of the most hilarious:

    No one ever arrested me in Arizona!

    No one ever stopped and frisked me in New York!

    No one ever renditioned me to Guantanamo!

    No one ever questioned my right to stand my ground!

    No one ever paid me 77 cents on the dollar to do the same job!

    No one ever assumed I was the gardener!

    No one ever put my grandparents in an oven!

    No one ever questioned my right to get married! 

    No one ever put my family on a reservation! 

    No one ever held me down and cut my hair!

    No one ever denied me health insurance!

    See, they’re all so funny, because Mitt has lived a life of incredible privilege!

    How about you, readers? Have your inside sources uncovered any material? If so, please share it in the comments.